Here We Go, Again....

It always seems like right when things are getting good, something bad has to happen, and crush the entire thing. Life has multiple tons of bricks it likes to drop on me, whenever I start feeling happy, or even just plain old content. I don't know what I did, in a past life, to deserve all this... but I want it to stop, already.
I'm sick of feeling hurt and miserable... but it seems like that's the only state I can maintain for any length of time. It's not where I want to be. I've put forth so much effort to find myself in a good, healthy place, in life, where I can relax and just take life easy.
When I arrived, out here, I had a plan. Everything was falling into place, perfectly. My world was finally actually taking a turn for the better. Now... I feel like I'm living yet another nightmare. I'm in a strange, new place, where I don't know anyone, except for one really close friend, who I am inches away from falling in love with (if not already have... I don't know, right now). I had a prospect for a good job. I was getting ready to be enrolled in school, and continue my higher education.
Today. Right now. All of those things look to be fucked. And, now I'm stuck here. Not enough money to leave. No time to pack up and go. No plan for anywhere else. For the first time, in my entire life, I actually want to give up, lay down and die. Screw everything and everyone in my life. I don't want new people. I hardly even want the old people... or family.
I just wanted my happiness. Was that really too much to ask for?

Flawed... Yet Somehow Perfect....

I may not be the most pleasant person to be around... but I just spent the majority of my weekend with an amazing woman. That's gotta count for something.
Maybe it's not quite how part of me would have it... but the part that makes any damn sense, most of the time, says it's just fine, the way it is. And, right now.... that's the part I'm listening to, the most. The other part can have his say, in due time... maybe.

On Starting Over, and Other Such Awesomeness

Why didn't I think of this, before? It took me 11 months to figure out that I just needed to get the hell away from Colorado, and start my life over, somewhere new. Somewhere that doesn't have bad memories attached. Somewhere that there are people nearby, who actually care about me.
Well, I went ahead and did that. And, here I am. Of all the places I have ever considered settling down at, Missouri was not even on the list, until recently. I pondered it, weighed the good and bad, and decided to take the opportunity. So far, this place has shown me absolutely nothing that failed to impress me. I feel alive, unhindered, and mostly stress-free, for the first time in a long, long while.
Now, don't misunderstand... I had plenty of reasons for coming here. But, two of those reasons stand out, amongst the others. The potential job I've waiting on me is one. I never wanted to leave Active Duty military, to be honest... and the opportunity to put the uniform on, every day, is way too tempting to pass up. I will be much happier, once this is official.
The other one... well, let's just say that situation has the potential to turn out incredibly well, if only it would see the light of day. I hope it does, too. Not too soon, but soon. There is simply nothing more to it, than that... and we won't go into any detail, just yet.